Story of a Mirror -In search of reliable relationships!

Being the wanderers of life, we travel at a speed of 1 second/second with many companions accompanying us throughout the journey. Memories are supposed to be the accumulating luggage but the irony is that instead of it, the past sometimes becomes the nostalgia baggage. While the sublime principle of the journey is, To involve in it and live to the fullest, Believing in this unspoken truth, I always consider myself as a positive character arc being and aspired to make myself better with every relationship that I establish. Sometimes I turned consecutive parts of my journey into stories that I retell myself, Perhaps stories are supposed to have a happy ending while sometimes it's not the case with life. Some of our stories might not have a happy ending but probably we can surely start the next story with a happy beginning.

To start a new happy beginning one must learn the lessons from the previous one, the same implies to me, but it is never that simple. Though being a positive character arc once upon a time, accepting mistakes and learning lessons out of it was felt difficult until I heard the following story, which I coined with the term "Story of a Mirror".

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STORY OF A MIRROR

Scenario: Once upon a time, somewhere on this planet let us imagine some fictional characters named John Snow who got married to Rose Leslie. Being stressed out with performance pressure in his profession, John consumed fermented alcoholic beverages in his favourite chillout pub. Entering into the late-night hours, John started to take a cab to reach his home. Walking slowly into his garden, John tried to pluck out some roses from his garden to present them to his wife, Being intensely drunk, John lost control on his senses and fell on to the bushes. Getting heavily injured due to the thorns of the rose plant, John walked into his wardrobe and started to apply basic aid to his wounds by looking at the Mirror.

Next-Day Morning: Rose who was slept before john arriving home at the previous night, Started to scream at John by questioning "How dare you to get drunk again?". Yet been still at a drowsy state John tried to fake up the situation with a lie that "No honey! I can't understand what you are saying, It almost been a year since I got drunk".

Getting ferocious by listening to his words, Rose grabbed the collar of John and dragged him to the Mirror. The mirror is with full of band-aids and ointments applied on to it. John realised that being drunk, John foolishly applied aid items to the mirror in which he could see the wounds appeared.

Inference: Being mentally driven by the trance of intoxication, The moment at which John felt the pain of his wound, he tried to make the things right that he could see in the mirror while the actual problem is he. If he can't admit his situation and try to aid his wounds he can't get healed. Some times we are the problem, we need to fix our defects rather than to correct others, world or anything external.

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Hearing to this story at a long time ago made me relate myself to this inference and better myself at my hardships. Establishing purposeful and meaningful relationships is my pivotal priority in my life. While I coin the term relationships it need not be specific about dopamine-driven attachment style between opposite genders but it can be any of the other types like friendships, colleague connections, team members attachment etc. Relationships are never easy they need to be given righteous nourishment of quality time, conversations and understanding. While I felt difficulty with the relationships with the use of above inference I felt that I need to upgrade the levels of clarity and understanding before getting connected. To improve the level of Understanding I followed the Acronym "VIBRATION" which stands for below-mentioned principles.

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Vault: Most of us look for people who can be our go-to persons in tough times and with whom we can share our heartfelt feelings without the fear of getting gossiped in our absence. Before you share your secrets, make sure your listener is not a speaker and definitely not a scriptwriter. Even I do the same, before handing over my precious emotions, I ensure whether the person is good at keeping my secrets and whether whatever we talk stays in between us. As we expect vault in another person, it is our foremost duty to replicate the same characteristic within us.

Integrity: Integrity is a blended characteristic of Honesty and Truth. Relationships certainly involve the assurance and commitment of truth, time, patience, understanding, love etc but when integrity is deficient in the person they tend to break the commitments and will search to find the excuses to back them up to avoid taking the responsibility of their mistakes. So ensuring integrity helps. Observe whether the person chooses what is right over what is fun, fast and easy.

Boundaries: All of a sudden at the moments of misunderstandings or conflicts, no one can tolerate the phrases like "Be in your limits!", "It is none of your business" or any such. No one naturally expects such a harsh response from the people that we like the most. So it is better to set up healthy boundaries by asking people about space and privacy. Respect their comforts. Ensure whether you can consider them close to your heart, getting introduced to their family, share secrets etc. Communicate your boundaries, privacy, space and comforts.

Reliability: Reliability is the reputation for Integrity, To Be reliable means to say what you do and do what you say. You won't seek for validation, You are not working for worthiness, be the real you. State clearly that you won't be efforting to impress rather communicate to express. Reliability can forge trusty and deeper relationships, when people admit that we are reliable they open better opportunity for us. Ex: When a boss admit you are reliable he opens better opportunities for you. It also adds clarity, confidence and freedom to the relationship.

Accountability: Action of pointing fingers at others is like the water that drowns the faith, dreams of the relationship. Be accountable, don't backchannel and blame. Hold people accountable.

Trust: If a relationship can be compared to a kite that waves in the blooming air of love, Trust is the thread that supports and strengths that kite. It helps us to involve in experiencing the thrill of sublime love. The detached thread can make the kite blown up and destroyed by the wind. Same as the analogy trust holds the relationship and protect it from getting broke. Trust reassures the existence of compassion even after the conflicts. If you trust any person, be their go-to person in tough times. At the negativity, instincts try to analyse the situation from their pov and relieve them from their pain.

Intense: Radiating vibes of energy and thrill are attractive to most of us. When spending time with the people, be the cheer maker. Make the quality time flow with the intensity of your energy, surround yourself with energetic people and uplift others with the vibes of your energy. Let the conversation, whether verbal or digital involves energy and attention. diluted energy ruins the vibes.

Openness: Extend your hand in discussions about ideas, topics, taboos, visions and dreams. Being open to talking about any new things with the flavour of excitement uplifts the ideology on both sides. Being open in a sense to be ready to talk and learn about any known or unaware things with hurting the feelings of any section of the society.

Non-Judgemental: Offer the comfort of getting asked for help without the fear of getting judged. Give the easy of admitting their mistakes without fear getting avoided and hated. It is okay for humans to make mistakes.

Understanding and implementing this customised acronym (VIBRATION) helped me to establish several trustworthy, meaningful and purposeful relationships. This checklist need not match your love languages, this is just my requirements while the agenda of this blog is to mention, Admitting the fact that accepting our mistakes and understanding the necessity of our self up-gradation, is foremost important than simply trying to make others correct, pointing at others mistakes, fixing the things that we see, in terms of relationships can enlighten us with the wisdom of rightful ways to establish reliable relationships which make our journey memorable.

- with love, dsp.